so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
