if only i could text you this smell
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize