When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
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