Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
