i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
