Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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