so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Someone signed my nipple.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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