This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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