Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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