hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
