i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
