On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
