Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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