And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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