He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
