just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
