It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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