At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
