NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
