She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
