Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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