I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
