So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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