yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
