Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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