I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
