I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Rumble strips road head = magical
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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