How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
