what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
