mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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