what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
