Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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