Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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