I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
