Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
