Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
