Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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