He felt like a one man threesome
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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