Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
