she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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