While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
