Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
