His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
one might say we're banned from that church
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
