I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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