I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
did i just pee glitter
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
