He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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