...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize