dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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