Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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