and next time when you feel me up, do it right
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
