nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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