i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
