so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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