hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
