One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
