I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
