I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
