I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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