Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
