i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
