Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
it's like iHOP with fire
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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