How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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