is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
