Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
