Having a random hookup so left but love u
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
