You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Every concussion has its silver lining
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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