Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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